Light of Dead Stars
by medievalstranger
Summary: set after Reign Season 2 episode 10, just a handful of frary pain tbh
1. Chapter 1

"Well I can tell you, there is only one love. If any person claims to have loved twice in all their life—they have not loved at all."

_-Lang Leav_

Francis was woken up by the cold breeze that entered the room, he noticed that the fire has gone out and the window is slightly ajar. He closed the window hurriedly and goes back to bed, his feet feeling cold. He lies down to the exact same spot to feel the warmth and wraps his body with a blanket, but even the blanket is not enough, he longs for Mary's warmth, he misses her body beside him. It has been like this since Mary went back to her old room and they started sleeping on separate chambers, but their chambers is just one of the many things that they don't share anymore, he rarely sees her in the castle and when he does see her, they talk for the very briefest moments in a very formal manner, Mary doesn't even look him in the eyes and she seemed pained whenever she sees him. Francis thought that this is torture in its purest form, seeing the woman he loves the most but not being able to touch her, it even make it worse that he knows that his presence alone causes her discomfort and pain, he wants to hug her and comfort her in every way he can, just like the old days, but it seems like the only way to do that is to stay away from her and keep his distance. He knows he already caused her too much pain, and he's not going to force her to take him back, if the only way to protect Mary is to be apart from her, then he'll be willing to just love her from afar. But he's also not willing to give up their love just yet and so he will keep on trying for as long as he can.

"Mary, there you are, I've been looking all over for you" Francis said as he approached Mary in the castle grounds

"what is it?" Mary said, barely looking at him

"nothing really, I—I just wanted to talk" Francis said, his voice quite cheerful

"it's a lovely day, don't you think? It's the perfect weather for boating" Francis said as he stares at her, his voice trying to imply something

"would you like to go boating with me, Mary?" Francis added when Mary remained silent and doesn't seem to acknowledge his presence

"uh—no, Francis"

"how about archery? When we were younger you said you wanted me to teach you, I wasn't good at archery then but I can teach you now" Francis said, still not losing hope that he might make Mary do something with him today

"Francis I'm not really in the mood for that today" Mary said tiredly

"oh, we can go riding then, they said there's a very good—"

"Francis stop this, stop acting like nothing's change, we were supposed to have separate lives, remember? Well _this_ is not living separate lives… give me some time, Francis" Mary said as she walks away, her voice sounding equally irritated, tired and hurt.

***several months later***

"What is this about Francis? I have to attend a meeting with my advisers, can this wait?" Mary said in a hurried voice 

"I'm afraid not, Mary" 

"I—" 

"Here, take it" Francis said as he pulls out to Mary the papers the he has been holding 

"Another letter? Francis this is ridiculous! I'm right here, why don't you just say what you need to say and be done with it? I have received dozens of your letters from the past month and-"

"Yes and I can see that you haven't opened any of them" Francis said with a sad voice, his gaze finding the pile of letters on top of Mary's desk

"You know I've been very busy—" 

"I know... but promise me you'll read this one, it's important Mary please" 

"Why don't you just tell me what's in it?"

"It's—it's not just a letter, enclosed is our annulment papers" Francis said trying to find the right words while hiding the pain in his voice.

"Annulment? You're ending the alliance?!" Mary said, her voice filled with shock 

"Is that what are marriage was all about? _Just_ an alliance?" 

"All marriages really do is hold alliances, you told me that" she said while her face remained stoic, though her voice betrayed her as it breaks a little as she speaks 

"I did... but I thought _our_ marriage is different... I thought—_we_ married for love" Francis said as he tries to hold back his tears and maintain his posture 

"Stop this Francis, if you hold on to this foolish notions, you will only hurt yourself"

"Is there still a part of you Mary, even a tiny piece, that loves me still?" 

"I'm sorry…Francis" Mary said as she avoids looking him in the eyes 

"I—I'm just going to leave it here" Francis said as he puts the letter on top of the pile of papers on Mary's desk

"Francis, I still haven't agreed to the annulment of our marriage" 

"I see no point for us to continue this, Mary" Francis said, both his eyes and voice full of hurt

"Read the letter Mary, please"

_My dearest Mary,  
><em>

_ I love you, I will always love you, I need you to know that. But I have come to realize that my love for you has brought you nothing but pain, our love has tortured us in so many ways, it's the one thing that I hold on to in hoping that maybe someday we'll find our way back to each other, and it might also be the same thing that brought me false hope, I was blinded by my love for you that I didn't know I was being selfish ,I wanted you back Mary, and God knows I still do, and I would do anything to win your love back, I wanted us to be happy again, to share each other's burden and be each other's strengths. But I was too blind to realize that you're already happy, you found someone to share your burdens with and in him you found your strength, and I won't take that away from you Mary, I won't ruin your happiness. After all the hurt I have caused you, I know you deserve to find happiness, even if it's with someone else. For months I fought for you, for us, and I admit I was being selfish, I was fighting for someone who never wanted to be won back, I realize that now, and that's the very reason why I'm doing this, I have decided to stop being selfish, I have decided to let you go._

_ I know that there is something between you and Lord Conde, for the last months I only see your beautiful smiles when you're with him, and I don't hate you for it, Mary. You deserve to be happy more than anyone else, and whenever I see you in his arms, I know you are. This annulment is the only thing I can do for you right now, you deserve your freedom, you deserve another chance to love, you deserve a man who will always put you first, you deserve to move on.  
>This is where we part Mary, from here we will lead separate lives, we might never see each other again, and perhaps that might be a good thing, you will never again be reminded about the hurtful things that happen to you at French court. I know that my presence alone brings you pain and I'm not going to lie, seeing you with someone else is like dying over and over again. I don't want to part with you with so many things left unsaid, I don't want us to hate each other, despite the consequences of our love, I want to believe that it was real, I know you regret our marriage, I remember you saying that it was an awful mistake, sometimes I can't help but think that you might have better chances of happiness with Bash. Maybe our marriage was a mistake but I dare say that it's the one mistake in my life I don't regret committing.<em>

_ I love you Mary, I have always loved you, and I will love you for the rest o my life, please know that you will always have my heart, even when we are apart, you're the one person that brings me joy, you are my light, you are my life and though I never wish to be parted from you, I know I have to. Maybe someday you'll find your way back to me, and until that day comes I will be waiting for you with my arms open. You will always have me Mary, always. _

_Love,_

_Francis_

***1 month later***

Francis has been missing for 3 weeks and they still haven't located where the abductors are keeping him, Mary stayed at French court and still hasn't signed their annulment papers, she decided she will not leave Francis, especially now when he needs her most. She has not have a proper sleep since Francis went missing, the castle is full of terrified and scared faces that seemed to await a dreadful news, but not Mary, she refuse to believe that Francis is dead, deep down she knows that he is alive, he must be, or else Mary won't be able to forgive herself, the words she spoke to him or the lack thereof implied that she does not love him anymore, which is a great big lie, for months she thought she moved on, she thought she would be able to live a life that is not tied to Francis, but the last three weeks proved her wrong, she realized she cannot live in a world where Francis does not exist, and it's a pity that she have to lost him first in order to realize that. Lord Conde comes to the castle from time to time, but even his presence does not bring her comfort, _no one_ can bring her comfort, not her friends, not even her mother who came their last week, she was very disappointed at Mary for letting her marriage fall apart, this made Mary feel even guiltier than she already is, what her mother said was true, it was Francis who fought for their marriage while she just stood there and watch it crumble into pieces.

"Your grace"

Mary's thoughts was disturbed when a guard entered the throne room, she sits alone and glances sadly on her husband's throne.

"what is it?"

"The king has been located; the guards are taking him in the infirmary as we speak"

"Oh thank God" Mary said as she quickly stands and leaves the throne room

"your grace, General Renaude, one of the chief conspirators escaped, we are still looking for him at the moment"

"make sure you find him, he will be punished for the crimes he did to the crown, he will drawn and quartered when he's found"

"Yes, your grace"

"mother, what is she doing here?" Claude said with hatred as she saw Mary enter the infirmary, Francis is still unconscious while the physician tends to his wounds

"Claude, not now please" Catherine said as she braced herself with the confrontation she is going to witness, she knows Claude has been hating on Mary for the past several months, she hates seeing his brother hurt and now that he has returned, she will do anything to protect him from harm

"how dare you show up your face here!" Claude said as she stops Mary to come any closer

"Francis is my husband" Mary said clearly shocked by Claude's outburst

"_in name only_, he is your husband in name only, you have no right to be here, after all the things you've done, after all the hurt you caused him" Claude said as she raised her voice

Mary was still dumbfounded and was not able to reply immediately

"do you think I didn't know? I saw you Mary, I saw you in Conde's arms!" Claude said, her voice full of anger

"Claude—"

"and that's not all, you know who else saw you? Francis."

Mary's eyes was wide with shock

"That day Francis asked me to set up a surprise for you, he seemed so excited that I couldn't turn him down, he said it's only a matter of time before you two get back together again, he said you'll find your way back to him… and then we saw you, you and Conde kissing by the lake!"

"it was a mistake!" Mary said, her voice cracking

"oh spare me your lies, Mary. How could you do that to him? To my brother?" Claude said as she shouts at Mary, Mary's eyes are now wet with tears and her hands are trembling

"the next day he told me to not tell anyone about what I saw, he said it might put your life in danger, even mere rumors about it will put your reputation at stake, that was the same day he decided to annul your marriage, he thought you already moved on and so he decided to let you go"

"my brother loved you Mary, he loved you too much that it was already hurting him"

"I never wanted to hurt Francis"

"oh of course you don't! you didn't mean to hurt him when you decided that living separate lives would be better for _you_, you decided to leave him because it was best for _you_ and not for the both of you, you even paraded your lover around court! How did you expect Francis to react to all of that?"

"he was hurt and yet you did not care" Claude said, her voice still full of conviction

"that's not true!"

"I know you experienced too much hurt than any of us here, but it's not fair to put my brother in the same position… I know what happened to you, I'm not blind Mary, and I know you blame him for it, would you rather he was there with you the night the Protestants attack?"

"of course not!" Mary said, tears falling from her eyes

"then why did you blame him? He would have done anything to prevent that from happening to you, he would have given his life! If he was there the night they attacked, he would have been killed in an instant, is that what you want?"

"No!"

"and yet you knowingly abandon him to his guilt, you've hurt him in so many ways, and I will not let you hurt him any further"

"please Claude, I just want to see him"

"he's wounded and barely breathing, no thanks to you!" Claude raised her voice again causing Mary to talk a small step back

"he's the only one that cared for me as a family, he accepted me and does not treat me as a burden of the Valois line, he loves me truly, it's a shame he wasted that kind of love to someone like you" Claude said with both anger and sadness

"Leave, Mary"

"please" Mary said with an almost inaudible voice

"Leave" Claude said as she throws Mary a stoic expression and slams the door in her face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"_**When someone else's happiness is your happiness that is true love..."**_

"Mary…"

"Francis your awake! Mary's not here, apparently" Claude said as she walks towards his brother

"and before she tells you and probably add some make up stories about it, I'll tell you now myself… she wanted to see you and I didn't let her"

"you mean Mary's still here?" Francis said, his voice quite hopeful

"unfortunately yes, she didn't sign your annulment papers" Claude replied with a hint of disdain

"Claude—please don't be mean to her"

"why shouldn't I be? She brought you into this"

"you know she has nothing to do with my abduction, it's not fair to put the blame on her"

"besides, I can't really blame her for not—feeling anything for me anymore, can I?" Francis added his voice sounding hurt and tired

"oh please Francis, I know you're hurt, but you've been hurt for too long, it's time for you to move on"

"if only it was that easy, Claude"

"but it is! Stop letting your heart rule your mind, the only reason you're not able to move on is that you're only focusing your attention to Mary, there are many other girls out there who are so much better than her" Claude said but Francis just sighed at her comment

"I'll go tell mother that you're awake, I'm sure she'll be delighted" Claude finally said after a few moments of silence, she left the infirmary leaving Francis alone.

**~^oOo^~**

***later that night***

Mary heard the news that Francis is finally awake so she quickly rushed to the infirmary to see him, luckily, Claude wasn't there to stop her but to her disappointment, Francis was already asleep and she couldn't find it in her heart to wake him, especially when he's peacefully sleeping though his face seem exhausted and pained.

"Francis…" Mary said as she touched his face tenderly, careful not to wake him, his wounds still haven't healed and based on the number and depth of his wounds, he must have suffered greatly and Mary can't bear to imagine what the kidnappers do to Francis, he even have a bruise on his forehead and a cut on his lip, just the sight of him in this state brings pain in her heart.

"I'm so sorry"

"I wish I could take it back, all the words I said… the months we spent apart…" Mary said as she wiped the tears that are quickly falling from her eyes

"…the things I've done and the things I didn't do for you"

"I love you, I have always loved you…"

"When you wake up and get better, we'll start again, okay? We will try again and this time, we're going to make it work, I know it's not too late… I won't lose you again Francis, we'll have children and grandchildren…a castle full of little royals, remember?" Mary said as she leaned down and kissed his forehead lightly

"but for now, you must rest… gather all your strength, we still have a future to build, okay?" Mary said trying to cheer herself up

"Sleep well, darling… I'll see you in the morning" Mary said as she squeezed his hand one last time and left.

**~^oOo^~**

"Mary, this is what France need, you are still its Queen, are you not?" Catherine said as she tries to convince Mary to go to one of the towns near Paris

Mary just stared at Catherine as she continued talking

"This is what queens do, you need to be there for your people especially when the King has not yet recovered, you need to let them know that your rule and Francis' is still as strong and legitimate as it was before, the months you and Francis spent being distant to each other have been causing countless rumors, our enemies will think that the alliance is falling apart and when they do, they will strike any minute!" Catherine said

"it would only take a week, 9 days at most" Catherine added

Mary let out a heavy sigh and paused for a minute

"so it's settled then" Catherine said as she clasped her hands, feeling satisfied with herself

"I haven't even agreed yet" Mary said confused

"silence means yes, dear" Catherine replied as she walked towards the door, leaving Mary dazed.

**~^oOo^~**

"Tell me, Claude, how many times did you drive Mary away? She still has not come to see me" Francis said in a slightly joking manner

"the truth is, I only "drove her away" once, she has not come here since then" Claude said trying not to disappoint her brother

"oh" was the only thing that Francis said before his mother entered the room

"I sent Mary to some town near Paris, she will come back in a few days" Catherine said as she approached her son

"are you feeling better now, dear?" she said as she sat beside his bed

"why did you do that mother?" Francis said quiet angered and confused

"I know it hurts you to see her, some distance will be good for you both"

"we had enough distance for the past few months, mother, you didn't have to send her away" Francis said as if he's running out of patience

"oh hold your horses Francis, it's only just for a few days" Catherine said as she grabs a bowl of lukewarm soup and passes it to Francis

"eat, the sooner you regain your strength, the better"

Francis tiredly gets the bowl from his mother and began to eat quietly, looks like he'll just have to endure his mother's meddling for a little while.

**~^oOo^~**

It has been six long days away from the castle and Mary's feeling so tired because of the appearances she have been doing from town to town, she can't really remember why she agreed on doing this, (or if she even did) but being away from Claude's hateful and Catherine's judgmental glances has been a strange relief, still she hasn't been sleeping well for the last days because she was informed that Francis has fallen ill, he hasn't even recovered from his wounds yet and now the physician informed her that he's been suffering from ear infection. As soon as Mary knows this, she has been trying to get back to the castle as soon as possible, but her duties as queen are getting on her way. She hopes that this day would be her last day in town and that tomorrow she can finally go back to the castle and be with her husband.

Her guards and her carriage are waiting outside the chateau that she's staying and she was on her way out when someone pulled her to another room.

"Louis! What are you doing here?" Mary said astounded

"I came here to talk to you, I heard that Francis wanted to annul your marriage… why didn't you tell me?" Conde said his voice showing a hint of excitement

"It's only something between husband and wife, Louis, besides I'm not going to sign it" Mary said as-a-matter-of-factly

"what? Why?" Conde said confusingly

"you know why" Mary replied

"wha—I thought—I know you're still confused Mary, but this is our chance to be together" Conde said as he held her hand

"I know I might have done something to lead you to that thinking but I'm not going to leave Francis, I never planned on leaving him… I thought you knew that" Mary said as she quickly takes her hand off Conde's grasp

"what I know is that you feel something for me, Mary, I know you want me, I felt it when we kissed by the lake… you kissed me back, you can't deny that" Conde said

"that kiss was a mistake, whatever it is that happened between us was a mistake because I am wed and I can't have any feelings for you" Mary said as she tries to harden her face

"why are you doing this? We seemed perfectly fine a month ago, you and Francis were practically separated, you said so yourself, you're his wife in name only… where is that Mary?"

"that Mary is gone she should never have existed, what we're doing is wrong and it can't continue, you can't have any feelings for me, Louis"

"well that's the problem! I do have feelings for you, Mary and you can't just throw it away"

"I'm sorry, Louis, I should have never let you love me"

"don't say that, you're hurt, you deserved to be love, especially when your husband pushed you away and neglected you" Conde said with disdain against Francis

"he only did that to protect me"

"protect you? I was the one who protected you Mary, he wasn't even there the night the Protestants attack the castle!"

"and so were you! Where were you then, Louis? Why did you disappear the night I needed you most?" Mary said with hurt in his voice

"that's not fair Mary, I had nothing to do with the attack, don't blame it on me" Conde said

"and where were you these past few months? I only see you in the castle once or twice a month then you're gone into thin air… and now you're back and you act as though you're hiding from something… or _someone_" Mary's eyes widened to the realization

"were you—were you behind Francis' abduction?" Mary said, her voice full of anger and hurt

"Mary—" Conde said, his tone apologetic

"answer me! Were you or were you not part of Francis' abduction?" Mary shouted on Conde's face

"I had to" Conde replied

Mary's hand as though having a mind of his own slapped Conde so hard on the face that her own hand begins to sting

"I'm sorry—" Conde was able to mutter before Mary slapped him again on his other cheek

"I trusted you!" Mary said as angry tears fall from her eyes, she's so mad she's already shaking

"did you just use me to get to Francis?" Mary blurted out

"No!" Conde replied

"No, Mary I never used you, please believe that"

"how can I believe you?"

"because I love you, Mary! I would never hurt you!"

"but you did just that Conde, and you nearly killed my husband… I will never forgive for that" Mary said, her teeth gritting as she spoke

"you will die for your crimes against the crown" Mary said threateningly, her eyes piercing Conde's

"not before your husband does" Conde said as he looks at Mary one last time and ran away

"Guards! Guards!" Mary said quickly

"what is it your grace? Are you alright?" One of the guards said

"Lord Conde is here, he's one of the King's abductors, don't let him get away"

"we will not leave here until he's found, we'll bring him back to the castle and have him drawn and quartered" Mary said, her voice firm as she ordered her guards to find a traitor she once trusted.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_**Saving you**_

_**The darkness takes him over,**_

_**The sickness pulls him in;**_

_**His eyes-a blown-out candle;**_

_**I wish to go with him.**_

_**Sometimes I see a flicker—**_

_**A light that shone from them;**_

_**I hold him to me tightly,**_

_**Before he's gone again.**_

_**-Lang Leav**_

"Is Mary still not here, mother?" Francis weakly said as he lies on his bed

"She's still in Paris, dear. The guards said that they will not leave until they find Lord Conde… "

"did you know? …That Conde is one of those who planned your abduction?" Catherine asked

"Yes mother… he was the one who… who—tortured me" Francis replied

"oh Francis, I know that the Bourbons have always wanted our crown but I didn't know they would go that far"

"Antoine wanted the crown… Louis on the other hand, wanted Mary for himself… he said he was doing it for Mary, he said Mary would be happier if she married him"

"you know that's not true" Catherine said

"I'm afraid that it's true, mother. If Mary has truly fallen for that man, I can't imagine the pain she will go through to put him to death, I know she has to, he committed treason and it's punishable by death, she knows that… I wish— arrghh" Francis was cut off by the sharp pain in his ear

"what is it Francis?"

"the pain, it's getting worse and worse every day… I don't think I'll—"

"don't say that, don't you dare say that Francis, you'll get better and all this pain will be over soon"

"I'll send for Mary, she will be here soon, until then, hold on… you hear me Francis? You won't give up now, I won't let you" Catherine said, she's pained to see her son experience excruciating pain, if she can, she will take all the pain away from him and she will suffer in his place instead, but deep down she knows she can't and the only person who can somehow make him feel better is miles away and is finding some other man.

**~^oOo^~**

Catherine wrote to Mary and convinced her that she is needed in the castle immediately; she arrived a day later and was received by her anxious mother-in-law.

"I'm very worried Mary, I don't know what's going on between the two of you but I hope you will set it aside for now and take care of him, he needs you" Catherine said as she walked the hallway with Mary towards Francis' chambers

"I know that but… I don't understand why you are being so anxious, you said he has recovered from his wounds and this only an ear infection—"

"it's not _only_ an ear infection, Mary. He is gravely ill! I don't know how long he would last!" Catherine corrected

"what?" Mary said equally shocked and devastated by hearing the news

"there's an abscess that formed in his ear and the physicians feared that it will spread to his brain, he's suffering every day, the pain getting worse than the day before. The surgeon even suggested that Francis undergo Trepanation to reduce the pain" Catherine replied

"but that will do him no good, it will only make the pain worse! Have they tried other options, other medical treatment?" Mary asked the worry in her obvious emanating in the hallways

"they're doing everything they can but—the physicians said this has been going on for weeks, months even… Francis might have already experienced countless seizures in the past months but we were too blind to notice" Catherine said as she tries to remain strong for the both of them

"so what are you saying?" Mary said as her eyes widen and gets wet with tears that are threatening to fall any minute

"I'm saying that—that…Francis might not survive this" Catherine said as she heard the hurt and hopelessness in her own voice

"no… no that's not true… you're lying… I'm going in there now" Mary said as she quickly walked away from Catherine and rushed to open the door to Francis' chambers.

"Francis?" Mary said as her eyes searched for him in the room, she found him lying weakly on his bed, pale and looking tired, the glow in his blue eyes is still there but it's faint, and though he's weak he tries to sit up to get a better look of her, he smiles as he sees her, flashing his bright white teeth

"Mary? You're here" Francis said delighted, it's been a month since he last saw her and he missed her terribly since, the last time they talked, he informed her of his plans on annulling their marriage, she wasn't happy to see him then but she sure is happy to see him now, somehow, Francis hoped that Mary might still feel something for him and for the first time in a long time he felt that she's not anymore indifferent towards him.

"I'm here" Mary said, finally letting the tears fall from her eyes, her voice soft and soothing in his aching ear

"Why are you crying? Has Claude argued with you again? Oh don't mind her Mary… she can be so impulsive sometimes, I told her not to be mean to you again and—"

"it's not that, Francis… I'm just glad to see you" Mary said as she tried to make their conversation formal and not awkward, she wipes her tears and forced a smile on her face

"really?" Francis said like a delighted child, he didn't expect Mary to be so… warm towards him, the last time he saw her she was throwing him glares that pierced his heart, he's glad that there is no more hatred between them.

Mary just stood there stunned by his reaction, she didn't expect him to be so delighted to see her… after everything she's done.

"oh sorry, I didn't mean to… creep you out… uh—will you come closer?" Francis asked, his eyes seemed to beam with his lips but the glow in his eyes was gone as soon as it came when Mary didn't move an inch on the place where she is standing, Francis realized that she might still be uncomfortable to be near him after what happened

"oh… I'm sorry Mary, I didn't mean to—it's okay if you stay there" Francis said trying to still sound gleeful, he just sits up properly on his bed so he will get a good view of her from there, he feels a sharp pain from his ear that seems to slice through his head but he ignores it, Mary is there now and nothing else matters

Mary just remained still for a couple of moments, she stares at him with awe on how he still loves her and on how he tries to remain strong for her despite his illness

"no it's okay… can I… sit beside you?" Mary finally said as she smiled but there's a hurt in her eyes as she walks towards him and see how much his body changed, he's wearing his white sleeves that now appeared too big for him and his body has gone skinnier and paler in the past week.

"of course" Francis said as he let out a bright beam on his face, quite like the smile he gave her the day she said that she'll save her from his enemies, that they'll go to Scotland and rule there

Francis adjusts to the left as, Mary sits on his right, he's still very careful to not accidentally touch her, and the last thing he wants is to remind her of the happenings of that night

"_it feels forever linked to you, and to us" _rings in his head and his guilt for what happened resurfaced

"are you feeling better?" Mary said as she noticed that Francis moved slightly away from her as she sat near him, she don't know why but she feels guilty for making him feel and act that way

"yes, I'm fine… now that you're here" Francis said as he throws her a reassuring smile

Mary just looked down and felt tears streaming down her cheeks

"Francis… I'm sorry" Mary said as she reached for his hand and squeezed it, Francis was shock at first but he smiled as he squeezed her hand back

"no, Mary, it's not your fault… I'm sorry for the things that happened, for the things I've done… the lies I've said—"

"Francis, I understand now why you did those things… I was wrong to blame it all on you… it was also my fault—"

"No Mary, please… please don't blame yourself, I—" Francis said but was cut off when the pain in his ear grew more painful, he shut his eyes tight and unknowingly squeezed Mary's hand even tighter

"Francis, what's wrong?" Mary said in panic

"nothing, I'm just—"

"Francis, don't shut me out… not now, your mother already told me about your illness… you don't need to hide it from me, please" Mary said as she leans closer to him

"I never meant any of these to happen Mary, I never meant to leave you like this" Francis said, sorrow and pain in his voice

"but you won't leave me Francis, you'll get better and you'll be a good king… a great king even" Mary said as she tries to be optimistic for the both of them

"I won't make any promises to you Mary, you told me once that I stop making promises that I know I can't keep and that I shouldn't give hope for you and take it away again—"

"please Francis, fight it, you're strong, you can survive this… I will be here with you… _for you_"

Francis just stroked Mary's cheek and spoke

"I love you, Mary" Francis said as he tenderly rubs his thumb to her cheeks, Mary cried even more as Francis wiped away her tears

"you don't have to say it back… I know these past few months have changed everything but my love for you will never change even if you don't feel the same way anymore—"

Mary continues to cry beside him, unable to even respond to what Francis is saying, she's just too overwhelmed on how and why Francis still loves her despite everything, he should despise her for leaving him, for not being there when he needed her, but no… instead, he still loves her deeply and unconditionally… she feels as though she doesn't deserve any of it

"I have written a letter for you… please read it when I'm gone, I know it might be hard but—"

"please Francis, don't speak like that…"

Another pain is drilling in his ear and he tried to spare Mary the pain that he's suffering but failed miserably, she looks at him with concern and he can sense that seeing him suffering only brings her pain and guilt.

"Francis, you need to rest… we'll talk tomorrow morning, okay?" Mary said as she lets go of his hand and starts to walk away

Mary wants Francis to ask her to stay, she wants to stay with him and watch him as he sleep, she wants to remain by his side, but she knows that won't make up for the months they spent apart, for the hurt she caused, she knows she doesn't deserve him anymore.

Francis is pained to see her go, this might be his last time to see her and he doesn't want to part with her yet, it's too soon, and though he knows he's being selfish to do it, he asks her anyway.

"Mary wait… will you stay with me tonight?" Francis said trying to not make Mary uncomfortable but still sounding hopeful

"of course" Mary said without hesitation

Francis struggles to stand up and get off the bed, and when he was able to stand on his own feet, he felt his knees grow weak and wobbly

"Where are you going?" Mary asked

"You can take the bed, I will sleep on the sofa" Francis offered

"oh… uhm—it's okay Francis, we can sleep on the same bed" Mary asks almost awkwardly

"will that be alright with you? I don't want to force you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, Mary"

"you are not forcing me into anything that I do not want, Francis" Mary assured him and walks towards his bed

"go to bed now and I'll be there later, I'll just change in my night gown back in my chambers" Mary said as she leans closer and kissed him tenderly on his cheek, like the way she kissed him back on his son's nursery, the day she gave him her blessing to claim his child

"you promise?" Francis said as he holds on to her, they have never been this close since that night and it feels so good to have her in his arms again, it felt like home, she is his home.

"I promise" Mary said teary-eyed

"I'll be back, I promise" Mary added as she slowly takes a step back and let go of his hand, Francis throws him a smile and weakly sits back on his bed, his eyes following her every move.

Mary breaks down as soon as she entered her chamber, she can't stand seeing Francis hurt and she even hates herself more because she can't do anything about it. She wiped away her tears and quickly changed into her night gown, as soon as she's done, she rushed back to Francis' chambers not wanting to leave him alone even for a short while.

"Francis?" Mary said as she entered but this time, no one answered.

She found him on his bed already silently sleeping, his chest slowly rises and falls as he breathes, she carefully lies beside him and watched him closely, she didn't know she was crying until she noticed that her pillow is wet with her tears.

**~^oOo^~**

The first thing Mary saw when she opened her eyes were Francis' blue eyes, she stares at him for a second and smiled.

Francis returned his smile but both his beam and the lively look on his eyes faded the next minute.

"Francis what's wrong?" Mary said, panic and worry rushed in her veins

"I never wanted to hurt you Mary, in any way, especially not like this. The day Bash and I dispatched Montgomery I went home with guilt for what I've done… but I also felt hopeful, I thought with Narcisse's blackmailing gone, we can finally start over, that day I decided to do everything for you to forgive me... to make up for my mistakes, I'd take back the edict and I thought everything will get back the way it used to be, but I was wrong Mary, I was already too late. I wasn't able to protect you from them but also from myself, my love for you has brought you pain and suffering... and sorrow and now look at us, I've hurt you in every possible way... I failed Mary, as your husband, your king, I wasn't even able to give you an heir, I'm sorry Mary... I hope when I'm gone, you'll have a better chance with love... because I know you deserve more than what I've given you."

"No please don't say that... I don't regret anything Francis, if I have to do it all over again just be with you, I will" Mary said as she caressed Francis' cheek, he did the same and wiper her tears

"I can't ask that from you Mary, I won't."

"But I want to, Francis...but if we get to do it again I hope I'm just a girl and you're just a boy... you'll be a blacksmith and I will... milk goats?" Mary said as Francis smiled at her

"And then we'll have children, we'll name them James... and Anne. I will teach them to read and write and you'll teach them your skills and at night we will all lie on the same bed, bodies next to each other, with a thick blanket to make us warm." Mary continued as Francis watched her both with love and pain… pain because deep down he knows they will never have those things… now they're left with only words of '_what ifs'_ to hold on to.

"We won't have a castle, titles, jewelries and gold... but we would be happy, just you and me and our little family"

"Francis?" Mary said as she noticed the pained look in his eyes, though she suspects that it's not only emotional pain but mostly physical, his eyes fell back to her but he seems distracted, it's as if he's slipping away right before her very eyes.

"stay here, I'll get the physician" Mary quickly gets off the bed

"no please, stay with me, Mary" Francis said as he holds her hand tight, refusing to let her go the slight movement makes him feel exhausted rather quickly, his breathing is slow and labored and he acts as though he's catching his breath

"Francis? Francis I'm here" Mary said in panic, but Francis seemed to not hear her, she grabbed his hand and she noticed that it is slightly colder now than it was a minute ago.

"Francis I'm here, I'll stay here... I'll never leave you" 

Francis finally looks back at her and with all his might, he lifted his hand and caressed her cheek.

"Promise me you'll be happy" Francis said weakly but he managed to smile as he spoke the words 

"No please don't, I won't be happy without you, don't leave me Francis please"

"I love you" Francis said as he tried to smile despite the little strength he has left, his eyes slowly closed as Mary looked at him with shock and horror

"No no no please" 

"Francis open your eyes, Francis?" 

"Francis please, look at me... open your eyes, please... Francis? Francis!"

"say something Francis, please talk to me..." Mary said as she pulls his head closer to her chest

"Francis? Francis! Francis please, I love you... come back" 

"You told me you'll never leave me..."

"Francis?" 

Mary said as tears unceasingly fall from her eyes, she can feel her chest tightening as she calls his name in between sobs 

"Francis don't leave me" she said as their foreheads touched, her tears falling to his cheeks, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it ... but he never squeezed back.

"Mary? … Oh dear Lord" Catherine said as she entered the chambers, her hands covered the gasp that escaped her mouth, her tears fell without notice, Francis' advisers soon entered the room, witnessing the heart breaking scene. Soon enough Mary heard something emanating in the hallways 

"The King is dead, long live the king!"

"No that's not true, Catherine please tell them to stop it, he's just resting... he'll wake up soon, you'll see" Mary said as she tries to stop the announcement that is ringing in her ear, breaking through the wall of her made up fantasy

"It's not true, it's not true" she said silently to herself 

"Oh Mary dear... come" Catherine said as she offered her hand to Mary, she knows her son would have wanted her to comfort his now widowed wife. 

"No, no! Francis said I stay with him, I will not leave his side" Mary insisted 

"Mary please leave him in peace, he's in God's hands now-" 

"No! He's not in God's hands, he's still here!" 

"He's still here, do you not see him Catherine?" 

"Francis is just lying there and he'll soon wake up and recover" 

Catherine just closed her eyes and swallowed 

"Mary I know it's hard, but you need to let him go-" 

"You're cruel... how can you say that, how can you—pretend to be strong at a time like this?" 

"Francis would have wanted me to be strong for you, Mary... he loved you so dearly and it would have broke his heart to see you like this" Catherine said as her eyes seem to blur as she blinks while tears wet her eyes

Mary looks at Francis again not seeming to mind Catherine's presence; she kissed his forehead and lied beside him

"You can leave now, Catherine. I'll just wait here until he wakes up" Mary said as she pulls the blanket higher to Francis' chest.

"Mary…" Catherine said with empathy

"Please Catherine, leave me be" Mary said as she stares at Francis, her tears are still falling from her eyes but she doesn't seem to mind, soon enough the exhaustion compels her to close her eyes and she fell asleep without meaning to.

**~^oOo^~**

Mary tries to reach for Francis but she's disappointed to find the cold, empty space on their bed.

"Francis?" Mary said, still confused, her eyes then fell to Catherine and asked her immediately

"where is Francis?"

"Mary they—" Catherine calmly said

Mary sensed the hesitation in her voice and asked again

"where is he?" Mary demanded

"they took away his body when you were asleep" Catherine sadly said

"what?" Mary said in complete shock

"he's not dead, he can still recover… he… he—told me he'll never leave" Mary said, her voice cracking as she spoke

"please Mary, don't do this to yourself"

"where is he now? He told me to stay with him, at his side… where is he, Catherine?" Mary asked, though it was a demand from Catherine, it sounded more like a plea, like she was begging her to say that it isn't true… that he's not really gone.

"they took him to the infirmary" Catherine finally said, she walked towards Mary and handed her a letter

"but before you go, please take this… Francis said that you might not read it but take it anyway, it's one of the few things that you have of him, Mary… don't let it go to waste"

Mary opened the letter carefully and read it as soon as Catherine left the room… her hands are trembling and her tears began to fall again as she sees his handwriting…

_Dear Mary,_

_ I don't know if you will be there in the last moments of my life, but if you weren't, I forgive you. Though I admit that I would have given anything to see you for the last time, to hold your hand in mine, to touch and tell you that it's going to be alright but most importantly to tell you that I love until my last dying breath and maybe even beyond that, but deep down I know I am being selfish, it will hurt you so much to watch all that, no matter what happened between us I never wanted to see you suffer. I'm sorry Mary, for all the hurt I have caused you, I know I don't say it enough but I really am. I want you to know that I never wanted to leave you, especially not like this, believe me Mary, I've fought hard for my life, but it seems like my body cannot endure such pain for so long. I hope you don't blame yourself for my fate Mary, don't wreck yourself with guilt, whatever brought me to this, it was my fault alone, let yourself heal, be happy and move on, you deserve that.  
><em>

_ Lately we've been distant to each other, I admit that I was hurt and you on the other hand, allowed yourself to move on. Now I've come to realize that maybe that is a good thing, seeing that your attachment to me is not as deep as before, perhaps my death would not hurt that much to you. Do not worry Mary, you're strong, so… so headstrong, that's one of the things that I admired most about you. And by that I know that you'll be okay even when I'm gone. If your past hurts too much, leave it behind and look forward to the future. Someday you'll meet someone and you'll fall in love with him, you'll marry for love and have a family together, he'll cherish you and love you and listen to you and he'll give you all the happiness you deserve in the world, you'll be so happy and contented and as soon as you know it, your past will only be a bitter memory, I will only be a bitter memory. You're still young Mary, you still have many chances to love again. The day I made you my wife I knew it was too good to be true, I knew I couldn't be that lucky to have you, and I was right, I was born for you, Mary, but you were born for someone else, I have to accept that. Someone out there deserves you more than I do and I pray to God that he'll love you more than I did, that he'll always put you first and that he'll never hurt you. I know our marriage was brief and painful, but don't let that discourage you from finding love again. I hope this time you'll both do it right, I hope the man you'll fell in love with will not make the same mistakes that I did, whenever I see you hurting I know that you deserve more than to have a husband like me. I hope the next time you marry it won't be for your country but for yourself, I hope you won't regret it as you did with ours. I want you to be happy Mary, and I know you will be._

_ Remember when we were younger and we used to play that game where I was blindfolded and I had to listen to your voice in order to find you amidst all the other girls? Even with my eyes closed, I've always known where you were, I've always known which voice is yours, but I didn't want the game to end so quickly so I made you wait, but you were so impatient you would pull my blindfold off and ran away, you were so angry because you thought I was not able to find you, but I did find you Mary, I will always find you, wherever you are, I will be there. I guess one of the reasons why I made you wait when we played that game is that I loved teasing you, I loved seeing your face almost red with anger and then you will walk away and I will say sorry and appease you and after that, you'll forgive me and we become playmates again, but more than that, we were best friends. The day you went to the convent I vowed to you that I will wait however long to see you again and for the first few months of your absence I was so lonely that my mother would always invite other children to play with me, but I pushed them all away because all I ever wanted was you, because in my heart Mary, you never left. One day I passed by my father's chambers and I overheard his conversation with mother, he said he was not sure if Scotland is the best option, he said our marriage is not sure and that there are other terms that need to be considered. I was shocked and hurt, I didn't know what to do, not being with you was painful enough, I couldn't bear it anymore if I lose you forever… so I decided that the pain should stop, I decided to let you go and let myself move on. I admit Mary, I used other girls to forget you, to erase you in my mind so that the pain will stop, as a child I didn't know what I felt for you, all I know is that I'm happy when I'm with you and I miss you when you're gone, but now I know that what I felt for you is love, I have loved you from the moment I saw you in that carriage, I have loved you even when you still have skinny legs and a missing front tooth, I love you then and I still love you now. You are my first and last love Mary, you are my only love, I might have went to other girls for comfort but you are the only one that holds my heart, if I were to be born again, I would still choose to love you, I would be willing to experience all that pain all over again just to love you and be there for you. Like the light of dead stars Mary, my love for you will still be there even when I'm gone and I hope you will feel it every day for the rest of your life._

_ I am yours, Mary, but you are no longer mine and I accept that, I may not be remembered and revered in history, but you will be. I know you will be a great Queen, in fact, you already are. No matter what you do in the future, know that I support you because I believe in you. I know I once said that we do great things when we act as one, when we work together, I was quite wrong, you do great things even without me Mary, and I know you will continue to do that. You were not just my wife, you were also the Queen of our people, and I couldn't be prouder to be your husband and King even for a short period of time. _

_Farewell Mary, my Queen, my wife, my only love._

_Forever and always yours,_

_Francis_


End file.
